As has been most common for me, I have been sleeping past wee hours of morning and wake up at around 12 to 1 in the afternoon. It was my daily ritual I have been following since summer came. Things have rather been dramatic for me and complicated since the start of this week with my emotions turbo-charged. Yesterday afternoon was just one of the usual days which I get dressed and go to Ortigas to tutor a Korean high school girl in Basic Mandarin. Skipping the usual bus ride to Ortigas, I cut my ride short to the MRT Station and boarded the train. It was a peaceful afternoon with not much people and a rather quiet atmosphere. I immediately grabbed a seat nearest the train doors before settling down quietly. The train’s inboard speakers rang the usual advertisements but one particular commercial played songs rather than advertisement. I fail to remember the titles or the complete lines of the song for I was sleepy but I remember lines along the way…
North Avenue – “…we shall find healing in the name of Jesus. Hallelujah!”
Quezon Avenue – “…your tears shall never be in vain…”
Kamuning – “…though letting go is the hardest part…”
Araneta Center – “…but never give up on love…”
“Was this your way of telling me Lord of your love for me?”, I thought. My thoughts are fading away and I was beginning to see the sights around me in a rather interesting way. I looked at a family seated in front of me while the children were in all smiles as their father was caressing them. In a corner, I saw an old lady talk to a younger lady while trying to notice the view of buildings from afar. I cannot help but remember my mother’s kind words before I left home. In the midst of all these uncertainties that I am now facing again, I finally see a glimmer of hope. This is not as much as the hope that everything I enjoyed in the recent past will be restored but rather the hope that the future holds something better for me.
Alighted the train, I walked calmly to my destination. “When was the last time I spent time thinking not of someone but of the thoughts of hope?”, I just thought. I cannot imagine that just a couple of days ago, I was experiencing a jolt of disgust at someone I once cared and loved. At that moment I realized that there are many more things I life I need to know. Stumbling blocks come along the way not as much as to harm but rather to teach a lesson. Lessons are never taught to apply immediately but rather start a process to which one matures and realizes one’s culpability yet never fears to stand up.
As I look ahead, I see more storms and waves that sometimes are caused by my own short-sighted self. There in the edge of a rough sea stands a beacon which emits its light to guide those who sojourn. While the rough seas shake my thought, I never fail to see that beacon shining ever stronger and will ever be as long as I am lost in the way.